Donner Party ends Dependence on Foreign Oil

Party mixes “Hyper-Localization” and Sustainability

Sacramento, California July 26, 2012 — Riding waves of attention, adulation and confusion Hairy and Face McSpecies have begun laying out the Donner Party plan to end the United States’ reliance on Foreign Oil. “The answer has been there in front of us this whole time!” announced Face McSpecies during a ribbon cutting ceremony for the most recent Hometown Buffet opening. “By focusing on growing our own food and eating farmed products closer to where we live, we drastically cut back on the millions of dollars used to grow, treat, package and ship us our daily meals.” 

“The Donner Party is proud to launch our EAT LOCALS progam and plan to start rolling it out at local schools and retirement homes in the next few weeks.” Hairy McSpecies shared with reporters during a brief break in the Donner Party national tour. 

When further pressed by reporters on how they planned on selecting the lucky “locals” who would become sustenance, both men hinted that this information would be shared at a later date.

Vote Donner Party

It’s been nothing short of a meteoric rise from our beginnings as a ragtag group of trailer park kids to the international notoriety and fame that comes from spawning creative masterpieces like Brief Jerky and You Park Like Shit stickers. Lately, we’ve taken time to reflect and let the antibiotics do their work. We realized it was our turn to give something back and were not talking about that lube we borrowed. It’s time we applied our collective deviance towards the good of the people, towards channeling a real voice for change, towards a new political party that is truly representative of the rest of us.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Donner Party to Take Bite Out of Politics

Party Promises to Make People the Solution

Willamette Valley, Oregon (south of that mecca for moustached, bike riding hipsters) July 12, 2012 — A hunger has risen amongst the masses, a hunger for representation. Sensing an overwhelming need for change, Mixed Species (against the Corporate Advisor’s better judgment) vows to create a hotter, wetter and mayo-ier and most importantly achievable Amorican Dream. “The two party system is uber douched, I'm also hungry” states Face McSpecies. Face and his running mate Hairy McSpecies tout their ability to "Over promise and under deliver to degree only dreamt of by past leaders of the free world".

“Bring us your tired, your poor, your weak and your well marbled” said Hairy McSpecies during a recent campaign stop in which he spoke to a large gathering outside the Atkins Diet Clinic. The Donner Party has garnered immediate acclaim with their focus on bringing nutrition back in to the public schools by primarily focusing on an overall increase of proteins.

The Donner party has raised pundits eyebrows as Face and Hairy shake the political think tanks far from the left and right with "out of the to go box" plans reshaping current thinking on the economy, immigration, social security and animal husbandry. The first of their political platforms has been loosely codenamed “Eat Locals”.