It’s been nothing short of a meteoric rise from our beginnings as a
ragtag group of trailer park kids to the international notoriety and fame that
comes from spawning creative masterpieces like Brief Jerky and You Park Like
Shit stickers. Lately, we’ve taken time to reflect and let the antibiotics do
their work. We realized it was our turn to give something back and were not
talking about that lube we borrowed. It’s time we applied our collective
deviance towards the good of the people, towards channeling a real voice for change,
towards a new political party that is truly representative of the rest of us.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Donner Party to Take Bite Out of Politics
Party Promises to Make People the Solution
Willamette Valley, Oregon (south of that mecca
for moustached, bike riding hipsters) July 12, 2012 — A hunger has risen amongst the masses, a hunger for
representation. Sensing an overwhelming need for change, Mixed Species (against
the Corporate Advisor’s better judgment) vows to create a hotter, wetter and
mayo-ier and most importantly achievable Amorican Dream. “The two party system
is uber douched, I'm also hungry” states Face McSpecies. Face and his running
mate Hairy McSpecies tout their ability to "Over promise and under deliver
to degree only dreamt of by past leaders of the free world".
“Bring us your tired, your poor, your weak and
your well marbled” said Hairy McSpecies during a recent campaign stop in which
he spoke to a large gathering outside the Atkins Diet Clinic. The Donner Party
has garnered immediate acclaim with their focus on bringing nutrition back in
to the public schools by primarily focusing on an overall increase of proteins.
The Donner party has raised pundits eyebrows
as Face and Hairy shake the political think tanks far from the left and right
with "out of the to go box" plans reshaping current thinking on the
economy, immigration, social security and animal husbandry. The first of
their political platforms has been loosely codenamed “Eat Locals”.
